I want to smash my cell phone. Seriously. I want to smash it into hundreds of pieces.
And then, I want to mix those jagged pieces of broken electronics with C4 and blow them up just to be 100% certain they can’t be reassembled by a team of savvy forensic engineers. Or, the on-air talent from CNET.
Why do I want to smash my cell phone? Is it because my cell service sucks? Nope. In fact, my cell service is just fine. Sure, my phone drops calls when I’m in an elevator, a mountain pass or an underground garage... but, sometimes I do get four bars in a crowded elevator and I think to myself, “Amaze-balls. I’m in an elevator. On the phone. Talking to my doctor about my bowel movements!”
Do I want to smash the phone because AT&T, my carrier, has terrible customer service? No. I mean, AT&T does have terrible customer service, but if the standard by which I determine whether or not to crush something I own is “terrible customer service” I’m going to need a lot more C4... and probably a second pair of Nike’s new cross-training / steel-toed smashing-stuff boots.
No. The reason I want to smash my phone is that its magical utility has made my life entirely frictionless, its 24/7 connectivity has made my experiences trite to those I choose to share them with, and even worse, and it has made me the flight attendant of my own life, instead of the passenger. Here. I’ll explain.
Should i do it?????
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